I rise. I fall. I see. I hear.
But I begin to fear the touch
of everlasting warmth.
My shield consists of crystals
of ice, tearing those who choose
to touch. WHy yield to the negative
swirl of thoughtless emotions?
Why sway the positive to negative
during the fear of consuming light?
I believe I am protecting myself,
but I sit in my cocoon of
falsities begging for my self
to proclaim me. I need to tear
these artificial needs from the
silken threads of confinement
and burst forth as a butterfly
anew.
Anew, why does this stir a
deeper want, no need in my
frigid soul. I have to apologize
but I don't feel as if that
is enough to satisfy.
I want to heal people. Physically and spiritually. I need to learn about the healing arts of plants. I need to figure out how to begin. The start of any problem is my toughest part. After that the solution seems to display itself before me. Life is about the same way. I fumble in the dark for the light switch, once I find it everything is lit around me. It is open for the discoveries.
I stand here marveling in the glory of it's beauty. The ocean breathes; filling her lungs with the ebbing tide. Her lungs expand outward, she holds her breath, knowing what is to come. It begins as a whisper of release, then she cannot hold it in anymore and her breath erupts in a crash of foam.
My eyes hurt with the beauty of this place. I am in love. This is meant to be.
"observe the mind. smile at it." Power of Now (54)
I find myself constantly doing that. I feel a release by this - I am allowing my mind to be, it doesn't like that reaction - which tends to make me laugh out loud, literally. People are always asking me why I am laughing. My reply tends to be 'I'm laughing at myself.' Which I am but if only they truly knew.
In the past I have acted like a peacock - displaying my best feathers to those who were better. Instead of being humble I built myself a cloak of power, parading my best qualities around. But there was a deep-seated fear behind that veil. I now accept my faults. I now accept all of me. I now forgive. Now I need to humble myself before the world of pure is-ness and kneel so that my true power of love can manifest itself within me and as me. The humane will see this and proper journeys will show themselves. I don't need a specific place or more time to learn more about myself. The TIME is now. Release. Forgive. Accept.
Love for me is complete acceptance. The desire for me to be able to stand stark naked without the cloak of shame, without the cloak of guilt or sadness or avoidance. In that nakedness all of my faults, guilts, frustrations, and quirks are alined into words. My past, present, and future meet into one moment of clarity. In this nakedness I am completely accepted by myself within myself. That is true love of oneself. Love through someone else would be for them to see all of that nakedness, truth and self-acceptance. To be able to stand in that moment with or without their cloaks. To see the utter peace and truth in the still lake of my eyes. To then nod and walk away. A clarity passes from one heart to the other. No lies. Truth. Acceptance.
A partnership is like two prisms. Each partner is a prism reflecting the other's light. There is no absorption of light within the confines of the crystal. The true essence of a prism is to retract light in a different matter. A person's light is the elixir of their being. Even within light hides shadows. The beauty of the prism is that no specific portion of the light is selected to pass through. Every part of the light is retracted. It passes through and continues to shine. The light is slightly different because it has had the ability, the honor to be slightly shaped by the prism. But the core of what the light truly is stays pure to itself. That is a true partnership.
FEAR. FEAR. FEAR. fear. fear…
What a weird word. Why place two vowels next to each other? Why does such a small insignificant word hold such a damning power? It dictates decisions. Dictates love. It dictates relationships. Fear is an instigator. That troubled boy on the playground whispering into the ear of the bully words condemning him to live in his shame, pushing the girl to tiptoe up to death asking for mercy from life, giving logic to monsters in our minds and pills of greed to our egos. It can be a MONSTER or it can be an ant. One is scary. Hard to concur. The other is manageable. Easily squashed. The size is dependent on the thinker.
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